Finding a Doctor Who Supports Fertility Awareness and Menstrual Health (Episode 498)

Full Transcript: Episode 498

Lisa: This is the Fertility Friday Podcast, episode number 498.

Today I’m sharing a brand new episode on a topic that I get questions about on a weekly basis. To kick it off, the most common type of question that I get would be something along the lines of: do you know any really great health care providers in the New York area, or the California area, or wherever I live?

And the answer is often, well, no. In today’s episode, although I don’t have a Rolodex of amazing practitioners in every single city and state across the whole world, what we’re going to talk about are some practical ways to help you find a practitioner who can support you. So let’s go ahead and jump in.

I want to start this episode by spending some time talking about how we view doctors, how doctors are trained. I shouldn’t just say doctors, I can say health care providers, but I will focus a lot of what I’m saying specifically on doctors because ultimately it is doctors that we are typically going to and typically seeking approval from and information from.

I think it’s really important for us to have a conversation about how we look at doctors and what we should be expecting from doctors, and of course our other health care providers. I’m going to be talking a little bit about how we should be considering their advice and recommendations, and then I’m going to get into the practical approaches to finding a practitioner who will support you.

Of course, I’m not a medical doctor. I didn’t go to medical school. But over the years of working with and interviewing numerous medical professionals, I have gathered some information about how they are trained, and I share some of those experiences in chapter 18 of my book, The Fifth Vital Sign.

One thing I want you to consider is how doctors are trained in medical school. There are a couple of things that are relevant to us, especially when it comes to women’s reproductive health issues: how they’re trained to approach the menstrual cycle and women’s health and hormonal issues. That lends itself to a conversation about how they’re trained regarding hormonal contraceptives.

One of the things that is crucial to getting the support you need from your health care providers is to first and foremost understand what it is that they do and what approach they’re coming from. That should help you understand what it is that they can actually give you.

I like teaching with analogies. One of the analogies you may have heard me use is imagining going to McDonald’s, Dairy Queen, or Burger King and demanding an oil change for your car. Getting upset because the person at the cash can’t do that for you doesn’t make sense. This is what we don’t want to do.

We need to first understand what our health care providers are trained to do. Then, when we’re going to our providers, we should be asking them to do things that are actually within their scope. This is key to understanding why our doctors often aren’t giving us what we want.

If you’re going to your medical doctor with a menstrual cycle issue—irregular cycles, period pain, something like that—you might want guidance about what you can do. Should you change your diet? Is stress contributing? You might want to know why it’s happening and why it’s happening to you.

If you understand how doctors are trained, it helps clarify expectations. Classically trained medical professionals are trained in the allopathic model. The best way to describe it is a pill for every ill. This model is not designed to look at root causes and fix them. It’s designed to identify symptoms and treat those symptoms.

You get a headache, you take a pill. You have a painful period, you take a painkiller or go on the birth control pill, which shuts down ovulation and prevents a normal menstrual cycle. Many women experience some symptom relief, but none of these approaches ask why the problem is happening or how to fix it.

When we’re seeking support from doctors, it’s important to understand this framework. When you’re looking for answers about nutrition, holistic approaches, or underlying causes and you’re frustrated that your doctor isn’t supporting you, know that this is not how they were trained.

Medical doctors are often taught that the menstrual cycle is 28 days, and anything that deviates from that should be medicated. They’re not trained in fertility awareness-based methods. Many women bring their charts to their doctors expecting excitement, but are often met with confusion or discouragement because doctors aren’t trained in fertility awareness methods.

Doctors are taught to prioritize efficacy, often pushing methods that require the least patient involvement, such as injectables, implants, IUDs, or hormonal contraceptives. These methods don’t rely on the individual to make daily decisions.

If your priorities don’t align with this model—if you want more control, fewer side effects, or a deeper understanding of your hormones—there may be a mismatch between what you want and how your provider was trained to counsel you.

We need to get our expectations in line with reality. We can’t expect people to do things they were never trained to do. You wouldn’t yell at a cashier for not changing your oil; you’d go to a mechanic.

Another thing to consider is how society views doctors. Doctors are often seen as authority figures, almost god-like, expected to know everything and have magical answers. This is unrealistic, but it heavily influences how we interact with them.

There are studies showing that when doctors give dire diagnoses, people sometimes follow those timelines exactly because of how much authority we give to medical professionals. At the same time, we know misdiagnosis and medical errors happen.

We place enormous expectations on doctors, and that creates pressure. It also feeds into ego. Many doctors do have ego, and while that’s not necessarily a criticism, it can create challenges when they’re asked about areas outside their expertise.

A major issue in women’s health is the belief that doctors know more about your body than you do. A doctor may know more medical theory, but you live in your body every day. You know what’s normal for you.

If something changes and you feel it’s related to stress, diet, or lifestyle and your doctor dismisses that, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. You may not have the medical language to explain it, but your lived experience matters.

We often delegate our power to doctors. If we want to get better and get to root causes, we have to stop assuming health professionals are smarter than us and start viewing them as members of our care team.

So how should we view doctors? We should see them as experts in their field, based on their training, while being clear about what that training includes and what it doesn’t. Medical doctors are not nutritionists. They are not trained in root cause medicine.

When you make an appointment, think about what you want to get out of it and whether the person in front of you can actually provide that.

Health care providers are human beings. They may be brilliant in some areas and lack knowledge in others. Prestige and letters behind a name don’t mean expertise in everything.

Sometimes providers won’t admit when something is outside their scope. They may dismiss or criticize something they were never trained in. That’s a signal for you to reassess whether they belong on your team for that issue.

We should think of health care providers as people we are hiring to help us reach our goals. You’re not working for them; they’re working for you. Appointments are auditions. If a provider belittles you or makes you feel terrible, the audition is over.

When it comes to advice, always be goal-oriented. Know what you want out of an appointment. If all you need is a requisition for blood work, focus on that.

If you want nutritional support, don’t go to someone with minimal nutrition training. Go to someone who studied nutrition and specializes in your concern.

Always give yourself time before acting on recommendations. Don’t rush into surgery, medication, or procedures without space to think. Build in a rule—seven days, even a few hours—before making decisions.

Get a second opinion. Many people are shocked at how different opinions can be. Health care providers are human. One 10-minute appointment should not determine the entire trajectory of your life.

Unless it’s a true emergency, you can wait. Use the “phone a friend” option. Pause. Breathe.

Now let’s talk about practical approaches to finding a practitioner who will support you.

Think about how you find a hairdresser or buy a car. You ask around. You research. You read reviews. Yet many people do none of this when choosing a medical provider.

Start by asking for referrals. Talk to people you trust. Ask other health professionals you already work with.

Do a simple online search in your local area for the type of support you need. Many people are shocked to find excellent practitioners nearby once they actually look.

Don’t generalize by provider type. Not all doctors are the same. Not all functional providers are good. Every practitioner is different.

If you have a specific issue—PCOS, HA, endometriosis, PMS, PMDD, thyroid concerns—look for someone who specializes in that issue. A provider who lives and breathes that condition will get you results faster than a generalist.

This doesn’t mean you have to abandon your long-term doctor. It means building a team. Different providers serve different roles.

Think of yourself sitting at the head of a boardroom. Your providers are there to support you. No one person has all the answers.

Investigate before you book. Look at websites, social media, blogs, podcasts. See what they talk about. See if their interests align with your needs.

Consider the first appointment an audition. It may cost money, but it’s also costly to get the wrong advice from the wrong person.

Know when it’s time to move on. If someone doesn’t take you seriously, you deserve better care.

That brings me to the end of today’s episode. I hope you found value in these points. We need to understand how providers are trained, view their advice realistically, take our time with decisions, and approach finding care at a local, practical level.

If you enjoyed today’s episode, you can share it at fertilityfriday.com/498.

Until next time, be well and happy charting.